To be or not to be...STRONG?

              Over the years I have learned that every accomplishment starts with a decision to try. One step, and you can change everything that may happen ahead of you. They say decisions sometimes prove to be the hardest decision to make, especially when it’s a choice between where you should be and where you really wanted to be. 

            Not all the people around me know that I was once caught into a big trouble at school. Perhaps it’s the most stupid decision I’ve ever done. I was out of my mind, thinking that what I did was right. I know almost everybody thinks the way I did, but until now I ask myself; “What happened?” I was out of breath, out of dignity, out of honor for my own family, out of love that time. In short, I lost HAPPINESS. Those were the darkest days of my life. I may sound exaggerated but what I say is true. It wasn’t just a simple talk between me, my parents and teachers. It was something that almost destroyed my early life. It was the first time I had this feeling of being torn apart inside. It was so painful emotionally that my body gets weak, feeling like I can’t manage to move at all. Words and tears weren’t enough for me to show how painful every bit of what happened was. If I could only vanish without a trace, I would do it because one mistake and everyone judges you as if they know your whole story. I’ve always hated being compared to my sisters to be honest. It definitely makes me feel I’m no special person. If there is one word that could describe what I felt, it was DEGRADING. How could they expect me to be exactly like them? What did I do to them? How come they think of me that way when I never even looked at them with a judgemental mind? Maybe I can endure those things but the most painful part was, NOBODY SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND ME.

            Even though two years had passed already, the pain made itself at home in my heart. As I’m trying to forget, it’s strange that something makes me remember the nightmare I had once in a while. No matter how much I try, I can’t avoid thinking that I still remind people of my past whenever I just simply pass by them. I can smell disappointment among them. A simple look affects me. I am fearful and paranoid. It taught me how to be pessimistic. It feels like I won’t never ever do something right in their eyes again. I keep everything inside because I believe my friends are tired of hearing my unending stories about the same topic over and over again. If I were asked to summarize my life so far, it would be like this: I finally came out of my shell but something tells me to go back again and hide myself forever.

            But then life is too short to break down and just sit in one corner. There is so much to explore out there. It is never too late to change. Don’t forget to look forward.

            I want to finally be strong and stand up for myself, for everything is possible with God. Turn to him whenever you’re down because He will always be there to guide you. Life will not be completely defined if there are no ups and downs. The world is round. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re down. Life is not always about happiness. It will surely bring you challenges until you pass it. IT IS NOT EASY, BUT IT IS GOING TO BE WORTH IT. I am proud to share these decisions and simple words of mine to anyone who is reading this. Remember that life is indeed a matter of TO BE OR NOT TO BE… 

Someday, I believe I can finally say, “I may have made a mistake but look at me, I can prove everybody wrong.”

            Like the people who give me inspiration, this song has a special place in my heart:

They can say,

Anything they want to say,

Try to bring me down,

But I will not allow anyone to succeed hanging clouds over me,

And they can try

How to make me feel that I,

Don't matter at all,

But I refuse to falter in what I believe or lose faith in my dreams

'Cause there's,

There's a light in me,

That shines brightly,

They can try,

But they can't take that away from me

They can do

Anything they want to you,

If you let them in,

But they won't ever win,

If you cling to you pride, and just push them aside,

See I, I have learned,

There's an inner peace I own,

Something in my soul that they cannot possess

So I won't be afraid and the darkness will fade

 'Cause there's,

There's light in me,

That shines brightly, yes

They can try,

But they can't take that away from me

They can't take this

Precious love I'll always have inside me,

Certainly the Lord will guide me where I need to go

They can say

Anything they want to say,

Try to bring me down,

But I won't face the ground,

I will rise steadily sailing out of their reach,

Although they do try,

Hard to make me feel that I,

Don't matter at all,

But I refuse to fall,

Tell me what I believe or lose faith in my dreams,

'Cause there's a light in me,

That shines brightly yes

They can try but they can't take that away from me