A Special Intention

Dear God,

            I am eternally grateful for all the blessings that you are continuously giving me. For the life, good health, my abilities and talents and of course, for my friends and family especially my parents. Lord God, I am blessed not just because they're still alive and we're always together but also because I am  lucky to have them as my parents. I appreciate them more than anything in this world. Without them, I am nothing.

            From the moment I was born, from the moment I learned how to walk, from the moment I first performed onstage, from the moment I graduated in elementary, they have been there all my life, no matter what. They've been my source of strength, my guide and hope. They are the best teachers I could ever have because I believe they are teaching me the best lessons in life --- values. Thank you for giving them the kindest hearts that are continuously understanding a daughter like me. They've got so much patience and I don't think no parents could do the same thing. I admit I've been the worst daughter they could ever have and I'm afraid their love for me is not the kind of love I deserve. I had my own world and my own decisions. I've been so stubborn, hard to control, disrespectful and disobedient yet they never left me. They continue to support me with whatever I had to do and I don't know how I could return the favor to them. They work so hard. The fact that they could wake up early in the morning to help me prepare for school is already a big blessing to me. What more if they could actually work several hours a day just to support my needs? It's sort of too much for me. They're too good for a daughter like me. They still made me feel loved despite of my sins. They accept my imperfections. They did not let me feel unloved despite of what I have done to them. This is how lucky I am, Lord God. Once again, with all my heart, I thank you for blessing me with such parents.

            Thank you for giving them the strength to face whatever problems had come on their way and please, continue to do so. Make them realize that pride won't put an end to a problem but understanding each other is. For my mother, Lord God, please help her find herself. Please help her find what the real problem is and figure out how to deal with it. I can see it in her. I can see that she's carrying something she can't seem to let out. May she find peace with You. For my father, please continue to bless him with good health for I know all he wants is to work nonstop just to support our whole family's needs.

            Lord God, I am asking You to give both of them long lives and keep them well in body and in spirit. They are growing old and I don't want to see them suffer. Keep them always in your care. But above all, I'm asking for You for them to live a happy and prosperous life. May they find happiness and contentment in their lives. Through Your grace, I may always be their support and comfort so that we may live the rest of our lives with nothing but just pure joy. My parents, who are the greatest in the world deserve everything I am praying for and it will all be possible with You. I owe You everything I am being thankful for. Once again, with all my heart, thank you, dear God. Amen.

            

Plot Twist: Sweetest Nightmare

            Troublesome --- that's how I usually describe myself. Small or big, troubles are troubles and it seems like I was born to make them. All these years it felt like trouble has been making my life change gradually as if there's no tomorrow. Trouble made itself home in my life. I've got nothing to do with it. It welcomed itself without me knowing. But the worst part is, it struck me like lightning --- it took just a little while yet it seems to burn me for the rest of my life.

            I never knew love destroys. I thought it heals. I never knew the sweetest force in this world could turn my life into an unexpected nightmare. Well, that probably explains it being "powerful", in my case.

            Back then, I was in first year when I met this third year guy. Yes, this is about me, falling in love too early. At first, I don't completely thought of it as a mistake. Love somewhat made me out of control. All I know is that I'm happy, appreciated, and LOVED because I had the slightest feeling of being NO ONE in the eyes of many. Everything was perfect but I was able to prove that no secret is hidden forever. The truth will always be revealed. I still remember how I felt weak for days. How the teachers got mad at me. How my parents felt ashamed of me. How they did not expect me to be like that. How my classmates acted as if it's not a big deal. How the people around me thought of me as a flirt. How my world fell into pieces. It's life changing. Before, performing in front of many was my life. I like people and their presence around me. That is what makes me appreciate myself. Before, my parents were absolutely proud of me upon achieving  something great. They were proud of my talent and the fact that I would always belong to the top 10 in our class.

            TADA. Everything has changed. Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I worry that if I can't be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me, and that just makes me even more paranoid. It's a cycle, being unconfident and different. It's all a cycle and it's destroying me. I'm trying my very best to be finally happy and forget the nightmare I had but I'm still feeling so helpless. I'm now scared of people. I'm now scared of what they're going to say about me. THEIR OPINIONS BECAME MY WORLD. No matter how hard I try, the thought of them judging me from afar would always bother me. Not even dancing nor singing in front of them or in short proving them I'm not the person they think I am isn't just enough. The worst part is the thought of my parents not being able to move on with what happened is not helping me at all. It's hard proving myself to other people and it's much, much harder to prove myself to my parents. The fruit of my hard works doesn't seem to impress them.  So the voice inside me would always say, "You're such a flirt and a big disappointment! You're so weak! You never did anything right! Get a life!" I want to disappear and go to some place where no one knows my past. I can't open these things to the people I'm close to, for I know they're getting sick of my dramas. No one would seem to understand. Depression strikes, self esteem went down, and boom! I'm completely another person --- opposite of who I am before.

            But hey, guess what, this is life! I can't bring back time and make things right. It all comes down to a single principle in life --- LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS. Love is always just around the corner. Don't rush yourself because love will come to you in the right time. For now, what matters most is our relationship with our family and friends because with them, you know you are in good hands especially with your parents. You'll never get in trouble if you would always listen to them. Parents know best! You may have your own decisions over several matters but trust me, you'll end up realizing your parents were right. In relation to that, it's also a matter of influence. Be with people you know won't let you down and make troubles. You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people you choose to be with. That way, you can stay out of trouble. Lastly, be careful with your actions. Think before you speak, think before you act. You don't know what the consequences will be if you make a decision right away. But above all, we have to remember a single thing: everything you do is based on the choices you make. You and only you are responsible for changes that happen in your life.