Ain't the Last

            Since this school year is about to end, I guess I already have the right to say that what most previous juniors have told me before is true: that the third year is the hardest year of all. It’s because this time, everything is more serious than ever before. You have to catch up with every single lesson and pass every single project or homework on time or else, you’ll regret so much in the end. This is the first time I felt like my nerves will explode all at once because of extreme nervousness whenever it’s PTC ‘cause honestly, this year drove me crazy that I’d became a bit grade conscious.

But who cares, anyway? This school year has taught me A LOT, like bunch of new things. I learned how to use a highlighter when reading lectures in AP, how to read novels ‘cause I told myself before it’s a waste of time, how to explore the calculator and its various functions that were trying to play hide and seek with me, how I not see the elements in the periodic table as random letters anymore and many, many more things.

Although STRESSFUL is the perfect word for this school year, FUN-FILLED comes after the list. I mean, I had to be serious with my studies but let’s look at the brighter side because as always, the fun parts await. This school year, I was able to enjoy, at least (even though school works would always consume my time), especially when it’s English time. I enjoy it not only because it’s my favorite subject but because I feel so relaxed and comfortable within just an hour. I feel happy. I feel myself.

How the relationship between me, our teacher and my classmates developed during English times are the best part for me. We got to play games, express ourselves through a blog, speak all the time in English not just for the sake of being more fluent but also for not getting so much tallies (real talk, no offense meant), experience a knee shaking oration performance in front of your classmates who are as nervous as you, write letters and knowing it’s the chance to make a move for that special someone, learn how to cooperate with different group works, play the role of somebody from Romeo and Juliet, shout the phrase “THE BELLS” over and over again, borrow a book from other sections because you never got time asking them what they did during the English time, read about Satan and all the weird stuff going on in his world, meeting God in someone’s point of view and lots and lots of stuff.

But most of all, whenever it’s English time, I feel like everything we do isn’t for COMPLIANCE but instead, for LEARNING A LOT…WITH FUN. It’s not just about comprehensions, grammars and others. It’s about learning VALUES. I love our small talks where we get to know each other, find our hearts, find ourselves, cry together, laugh together. I knew that people appreciate me somehow. I knew that I got a teacher who’s ready to be right by my side, to understand and to give life hacks. I don’t know but those times felt like a comfort to me. I like it a bunch!

        Being a junior is worth the late nights and tears because the struggle is REAL. Although we don’t have that fancy promenade like what any other school do, I know in my heart that I’m happy. I was able to enjoy the school year somehow. Although there were I-almost-gave-up-times-because-I-can’t-hold-all-the-feels-anymore, I know that these are the moments I’ll treasure forever. I actually don’t want this post to end because we all know it’s the last one we’ll ever write as junior. I think I am one of those people who truly appreciate writing a blog. Thanks to ma’am I was able to express everything I’m trying to hide from others.

Ahhh. Third year. You may be the hardest one but you have taught me a lot. Thank you. And you know what, I’M GONNA MISS YOU.

            

To my Big Sissies xx

A. Soriano Highway, Ibayo Silangan

Naic, Cavite

February 7, 2014

Dear ate Gra, ate Em and Atic,

           

            I wrote this letter simply because I definitely owe you all an apology. I am aware you're growing tired of my stupid actions. I'm sorry if I act lazy at home, like how I would always surf the internet instead of being productive, doing school works and helping in cleaning around the house. I'm sorry if I'm being disrespectful. I'm sorry if I don't ask permission when I borrow your things. But most of all, I want to say sorry for being slightly "overly attached". I'm sorry if you get irritated of me being around especially when I try to hug or kiss you. Maybe I just coincidentally do it when you're not in a good mood at all. I hope you would understand the fact that as your youngest sister, it would bring simple joys to me if I could express my affection for my dearest sisters in my own special ways. Another is I'm very sorry if I talk non-sense and ask questions too much, especially to Atic. I'm sorry if I kind of disturb you with your own businesses at home. I don't know but I easily miss you when you spend your weekdays in Manila for school and know that your presence once in a while makes me want to ask how your week has been.

            For ate Em, I'm sorry if I annoy you about lots of things and please understand if our parents would sometimes defend me even if it's really my fault. Lastly, with ate Gra, I'm sorry if I couldn't defend you when I had the chance. I know you've been facing a lot of problems lately and I'm sorry I could not speak and fight for you at the very least.

            I do hope you could all forgive me with all the things I have done. I miss you all, especially ate Gra. Ate, always take care of yourself and be home soon, okay? I wish we could all spend more time together so that we could be a complete family once again. I love you all!

Love,

Yannah

(your cutest sister) :)

Am I? I am!

          When I hear the word special, the first thing that comes on my mind is the movie "Every Child is Special". It is one of the famous Bollywood movies that left an impact on me. The whole thing about this movie is full of meaning and purpose. It could make way into your heart easily. There is this one line from the movie that struck me: 

And I thought to myself, that's it! Those are what make every person in this world special.

            Aside from "Describe yourself" as the number one most difficult thing to do, telling you're special and explaining how comes second on the list. I mean, answering the question "Am I special?" is not as easy as answering the usual questions that are answerable by yes or no. However, I'm pretty sure you'll be only able to do that if and only if you know the real you and what makes you, you.

            I can proudly say I am special. First of all, it's because I am a creation of God. I am one of the proofs of His great works of hand and that He gave me the greatest blessing of all --- life. Secondly, it is because I have my friends and family who make me feel special despite of my flaws. They love me and they appreciate my presence. I think that is merely enough for me to feel special.

            But above all, I think what made me special is my heart and my desire to do good things to people. Sometimes, I'd rather think about them first than myself because not doing such would bother my conscience, which I can't tolerate. It's like a voice within me would make me reflect on the wrong thing I have done. Another is that I know how to return the good deed someone did to me. It's like having a sense of reciprocity, but between people. I'm not after the material things but with the good actions. Even if the people around me don't do nice things to me, I give revenge but in a good way. It's because I don't hold grudges on them. I could be mad at them for probably just a short period of time but I can't stand doing bad things just because they did the same thing to me. That would bother my conscience more. All I know is I have to do the right thing to them even if I know to myself other people can't do the same thing because what matters most to me is giving solicitude towards the people around me.

            Being special is not about being the best. It's about feeling unique, perfect and worth it. Being special comes from within. If you truly know yourself, you'll know what really makes you special. We may know what it is at first but we'll eventually find out. Because all of us are special and unique in different ways. It just takes a time and heart to know. 

                How about you? Are you special?

A Special Intention

Dear God,

            I am eternally grateful for all the blessings that you are continuously giving me. For the life, good health, my abilities and talents and of course, for my friends and family especially my parents. Lord God, I am blessed not just because they're still alive and we're always together but also because I am  lucky to have them as my parents. I appreciate them more than anything in this world. Without them, I am nothing.

            From the moment I was born, from the moment I learned how to walk, from the moment I first performed onstage, from the moment I graduated in elementary, they have been there all my life, no matter what. They've been my source of strength, my guide and hope. They are the best teachers I could ever have because I believe they are teaching me the best lessons in life --- values. Thank you for giving them the kindest hearts that are continuously understanding a daughter like me. They've got so much patience and I don't think no parents could do the same thing. I admit I've been the worst daughter they could ever have and I'm afraid their love for me is not the kind of love I deserve. I had my own world and my own decisions. I've been so stubborn, hard to control, disrespectful and disobedient yet they never left me. They continue to support me with whatever I had to do and I don't know how I could return the favor to them. They work so hard. The fact that they could wake up early in the morning to help me prepare for school is already a big blessing to me. What more if they could actually work several hours a day just to support my needs? It's sort of too much for me. They're too good for a daughter like me. They still made me feel loved despite of my sins. They accept my imperfections. They did not let me feel unloved despite of what I have done to them. This is how lucky I am, Lord God. Once again, with all my heart, I thank you for blessing me with such parents.

            Thank you for giving them the strength to face whatever problems had come on their way and please, continue to do so. Make them realize that pride won't put an end to a problem but understanding each other is. For my mother, Lord God, please help her find herself. Please help her find what the real problem is and figure out how to deal with it. I can see it in her. I can see that she's carrying something she can't seem to let out. May she find peace with You. For my father, please continue to bless him with good health for I know all he wants is to work nonstop just to support our whole family's needs.

            Lord God, I am asking You to give both of them long lives and keep them well in body and in spirit. They are growing old and I don't want to see them suffer. Keep them always in your care. But above all, I'm asking for You for them to live a happy and prosperous life. May they find happiness and contentment in their lives. Through Your grace, I may always be their support and comfort so that we may live the rest of our lives with nothing but just pure joy. My parents, who are the greatest in the world deserve everything I am praying for and it will all be possible with You. I owe You everything I am being thankful for. Once again, with all my heart, thank you, dear God. Amen.

            

Plot Twist: Sweetest Nightmare

            Troublesome --- that's how I usually describe myself. Small or big, troubles are troubles and it seems like I was born to make them. All these years it felt like trouble has been making my life change gradually as if there's no tomorrow. Trouble made itself home in my life. I've got nothing to do with it. It welcomed itself without me knowing. But the worst part is, it struck me like lightning --- it took just a little while yet it seems to burn me for the rest of my life.

            I never knew love destroys. I thought it heals. I never knew the sweetest force in this world could turn my life into an unexpected nightmare. Well, that probably explains it being "powerful", in my case.

            Back then, I was in first year when I met this third year guy. Yes, this is about me, falling in love too early. At first, I don't completely thought of it as a mistake. Love somewhat made me out of control. All I know is that I'm happy, appreciated, and LOVED because I had the slightest feeling of being NO ONE in the eyes of many. Everything was perfect but I was able to prove that no secret is hidden forever. The truth will always be revealed. I still remember how I felt weak for days. How the teachers got mad at me. How my parents felt ashamed of me. How they did not expect me to be like that. How my classmates acted as if it's not a big deal. How the people around me thought of me as a flirt. How my world fell into pieces. It's life changing. Before, performing in front of many was my life. I like people and their presence around me. That is what makes me appreciate myself. Before, my parents were absolutely proud of me upon achieving  something great. They were proud of my talent and the fact that I would always belong to the top 10 in our class.

            TADA. Everything has changed. Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I worry that if I can't be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me, and that just makes me even more paranoid. It's a cycle, being unconfident and different. It's all a cycle and it's destroying me. I'm trying my very best to be finally happy and forget the nightmare I had but I'm still feeling so helpless. I'm now scared of people. I'm now scared of what they're going to say about me. THEIR OPINIONS BECAME MY WORLD. No matter how hard I try, the thought of them judging me from afar would always bother me. Not even dancing nor singing in front of them or in short proving them I'm not the person they think I am isn't just enough. The worst part is the thought of my parents not being able to move on with what happened is not helping me at all. It's hard proving myself to other people and it's much, much harder to prove myself to my parents. The fruit of my hard works doesn't seem to impress them.  So the voice inside me would always say, "You're such a flirt and a big disappointment! You're so weak! You never did anything right! Get a life!" I want to disappear and go to some place where no one knows my past. I can't open these things to the people I'm close to, for I know they're getting sick of my dramas. No one would seem to understand. Depression strikes, self esteem went down, and boom! I'm completely another person --- opposite of who I am before.

            But hey, guess what, this is life! I can't bring back time and make things right. It all comes down to a single principle in life --- LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS. Love is always just around the corner. Don't rush yourself because love will come to you in the right time. For now, what matters most is our relationship with our family and friends because with them, you know you are in good hands especially with your parents. You'll never get in trouble if you would always listen to them. Parents know best! You may have your own decisions over several matters but trust me, you'll end up realizing your parents were right. In relation to that, it's also a matter of influence. Be with people you know won't let you down and make troubles. You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people you choose to be with. That way, you can stay out of trouble. Lastly, be careful with your actions. Think before you speak, think before you act. You don't know what the consequences will be if you make a decision right away. But above all, we have to remember a single thing: everything you do is based on the choices you make. You and only you are responsible for changes that happen in your life.

            

Who Is Ed Sheeran?

            I have thousands of questions in my mind. Some are answerable by yes or no, some are too complicated to answer and some can only be answered by a single person. I don't know but I have this curiosity in me and a part of it comes from a specific person, Ed Sheeran. I know I'm supposed to mention a historical person but as my teacher have said, everyone is a part of history. Historical people are not only the ones we read in old books but the ones who give an impact to us, which we know are going to be remarkable, like how we remember people from different times.

            So...

          




        I am just a simple fan girl from New York --- the city that never sleeps. My parents chose to stay here after I graduated elementary in the Philippines. I have been fan girling for two years now and I still haven't met my Edward Christopher Sheeran. It kind of sucks to think that I'm living in his favorite city in this world. See this?

            

              





      Ugh. This is one of the reasons why my smile would turn upside down. Lots of his fans get to meet him personally. ED. ED. ED. We used to call him the "Ginger God" because he was too perfect for us. However, he describes himself as a chubby ginger who plays guitar, but to me he's the most perfect creation in this world. 

It's the way his smile lights up the room. The way his smile spreads across his face and his eyes squint. The way his ginger hair sticks out in seven different directions. 

The way he looks from wearing a suit to a hoodie.

          How he would much rather prefer wearing a t-shirt than the expensive clothes.

The way his voice gives you chills from singing a ballad or an upbeat tune. The way his voice could change from a soothing sound to a growling noise. 

     The way he beats his guitars.

How he can look so dangerous and adorable at the same time.

His tattoos.

 How he pulls out those funny faces.

His funny tweets.

The way he could make millions shut their mouths and listen to the songs of his life. The way he can make you love him without him knowing you. IT'S THE WAY ED IS. 

         Welcome to the fan girling world --- where someone you idolize becomes literally your entire world. I play his songs every day, I save lots of his pictures in our computer and I cr---WHAT? A meet and greet with him? I should go! This is my chance! It's in two days! Can you believe that? What should I wear? What will I tell him? How should I act in front of him? 

           So I woke up and was shivering like crazy because I was so freaking nervous on that day! I wore my Nike shoes because Ed likes sneakers. When my friend arrived at our house, we left on our way to see Ed! The venue was at Roseland Ballroom in NYC. I was surprisingly calm on our way or at least I am pretending to be...We were in front of the line and in a few moments, we went in, presented our ID, got a wristband, and the staff led us to the venue where Ed is. I could see a glimpse of him at the top of the stairs and I started to freak out because HE IS REAL! He was standing there with his hair looking super orange. His eyes were so blue, he was smiling, and he was wearing his maroon colored hoodie.

me: Hi Ed! (gives hug while continuously shaking)

Ed: hey love. What's your name?

me: I'm Yannah. (hands the present) I have a present for you. Hope you like it!

Ed: Is that a cat shirt?

me: Yes!

Ed: Aww cool I'm into cat shirts. (pulls out the shirt himself) Does that say INNIT?

me: (laughs) yeah!

Ed: Wow, this is incredible

me: Sure, it is. Uhmm, Ed? Can you sign on my arm?

Ed: Sure, darling. (signs on my arm) Here you go.

me: Thank you so much! Can I ask a few questions?

Ed: Of course you can

me: How does it feel that millions of people sing your praise?

Ed: Overwhelming, actually. I started with nothing to be honest. I used to perform in front of few people who obviously don't like my music and now, I can say I have gone so far in my journey as an artist.

me: I see. I've always been curious about this. What are your inspirations in your songs or should I say who?

Ed: You can actually use both what and who. For the romantic songs in my album, it's a special girl back in college. We used to be together for a long time but everything suddenly vanished.

me: Oh. I'm sorry for that.

Ed: No, it's okay. Making songs about her eases the pain I feel inside. Okay so for the other songs, I'm pretty sure each has an inspiration. I might say I have just written a song about a dead bird, about getting drunk or even about my manager who I used to hate.

me: (laughs) That is really random! Next, how did you manage to be so down to earth? I heard you never ignored your fans when they're asking you to take a picture with you or when they're just waving at you.

Ed: I just love my fans. I owe everything to them. None of this would've happened without them. The secret is that I'm not letting fame change who I really am. Even if I have the busiest schedule, I would wave back and give them the most endearing smile to thank them for their efforts just to see me.

me: That's so sweet of you! No doubt you have millions of fans out there! I have another question. So you are now really famous which means entering the Hollywood world. You are surrounded by paparazzis and issues that you sometimes don't know where it came from. How do you deal with those things?

Ed: It's pretty hard but I still act cool around the world I have entered to. I'm still myself. I just became famous. That's the only thing that changed in me. When it comes to issues or gossips, the most important thing is not minding them as long as you know they're just wrong information about you. But there are times when I just go with the flow and speak up honestly. But I tell you what, you can never avoid bashers. That is what showbiz is all about.

me: I got your point. So, I am from the Philippines. I have entered this group in Facebook called Official PH Sheerios and I would say the filipino Sheerios can't wait to see you there. Do you have any plans on having a concert?

Ed: Actually, I do. I've always wanted to visit the Philippines but I can't say I can go soon. In fact I'm currently working with my album and I've got some few gigs to attend to. But don't worry. I'll let you know.

me: Really? That'll be great! You have no idea how happy my fellow filipino Sheerios would feel when you share your God-given talent with them! Last question, Ed. What advice can you give me? I would take anything as an advice.

Ed: That's kind of...GENERAL. Hmmm...Let me start with problems...Don't drink too much alcohol unless you're a sober (laughs). If you're going through a serious matter, everything's gonna be okay at the end. If it's not okay, it's not yet the end. And... I can feel that you are a music lover. That's awesome! Express your feelings through music the way I do. It'll always make you feel better. Lastly, be a true heart not a follower.

me: I'll always remember those words, Ed. Thank you so much. It's been a privilege meeting you. I'm extremely happy now that you know I exist! Thank you for being my inspiration. Thank you for everything! I love you so, so much!

Ed: Same to you. Alright, goodbye!

            MY HEART MELTED THE WHOLE TIME. Ed is such a genuinely nice person. I was there, talking to the person I admire the most. My mind was into him all the time. I got back downstairs and was walking and crying and hugging my friend. Every moment was perfect. What I fantasize suddenly turned into a reality. It was way more than I could ever ask for! IT'S THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE AND NOTHING WOULD EVER TOP THAT. THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING ED SHEERAN, YOU ARE TRULY MY ONE AND ONLY. xx

Nueve Violaciones en CavSci

                             Promises were meant to be broken as rules were meant to be violated. Is that a YES or a NO? Breaking promises or violating rules, in my opinion cannot be avoided. One great example of this revolves in a huge institution, like schools. Of course, schools have these school policies to maintain peace, order, and proper actions inside the school premises. Now I have come up with 9 places or buildings in CavSci indicates the 9 violations being committed there. Each place represents the 9 circles of hell, from Dante Alighieri's epic poem, Inferno.

1ST STATION

            As a reader, this will be the start of your journey. It all begins with the main entrance of the school --- THE GATE. Here, the late comers are the sinners. Students in CavSci are obliged to go to school on time but some students fail to do so. The Student Police, on the other hand, is the group of students assigned to take care of this kind of violation. They take the names of the late comers and sometimes, ask them to write a narrative indicating the reason why they came late.

2ND STATION

            THE CANTEEN is the second station in the school.  After hours of classes, students crave for something they want to eat. Falling in such a long line isn't a big deal at all. The important thing is they get what they crave for. But their mistake is getting more than what they need. There is a tendency for them to be greedy and get so much full.

3RD STATION

            THE GYM. This is the next station. This place is where the students showcase their talents, through pageants or other competitions, though some become so much competitive. The students in the big crowd goes wild. They scream at the top of their lungs and even say violent reactions which are unpleasant to hear. We all know shouting and making unnecessary noises are not allowed. Doing such means violating school policies.

4TH STATION

            After the third station comes THE SCOUTING ROOMS. Students have their own roles, not just in school but also in their own country. Each and everyone of them are members of the Girl Scouts and Boy Scouts of the Philippines. They are expected to act like a real scout. Every year, they recite their promise and law yet they seem to break it. They do not realize how true the saying "Actions speak louder than words" is. It's considered a sin, for they failed to be true with the words they say.

5TH STATION

            The fifth station is the largest of all. It's what we call THE FIELD. It's cleanliness must be maintained as always. However, students keep on littering. They keep on throwing their garbages instead of keeping them inside their bags, as if they're not the one who will suffer because of it. They keep on littering, so in return, they keep on cleaning their respective areas. It's an unending cycle.

6TH STATION

            You are almost done with this short journey. The sixth station is THE H.E. ROOM. This is where the principal stays almost all the time. The principal minds her own private businesses here so students are not able to barge in suddenly. This is a sin, for doing such will show lack of respect.

7TH STATION

            The seventh circle revolves around THE CLASSROOMS. Lots of violations are committed here. Those are vandalism, cheating while taking tests, and not paying attention to the teacher discussing before the students are some of the examples of it. If caught, the teacher is in charge of it. He/ she cannot just tolerate those kind of actions.

8TH STATION

            The eight station is THE GUIDANCE CENTER. Darkness, shame, tears, emotional pain and regret; those are the what this station is all about. Students who are caught into a big trouble are brought here. The parents of the students and the teachers involved are here as well. They're here to know each and every detail of the problem and how they could deal with it or what could be the solution for it.

9TH STATION

            The last station is THE OFFICE. Here, the students with the most number of offenses or committed the worst violation are being punished. How? It's probably by suspending them or in the worst case, they could be kicked out. Decisions are being made here. It sort of serves as the court of the whole school where the kind of punsihment the students should receive are thought of.

            That'll be the end. Those are the 9 STATIONS and VIOLATIONS in CavSci. It's not my intention to mock or insult anybody. These are only my opinions. It should be looked at another perspective and that perspective is giving lessons and opening the eyes of each and every student in CavSci. This is to remind them that they entered this school bringing their own little dreams, together with the rules and regulations they promised not to violate.