Plot Twist: Sweetest Nightmare

            Troublesome --- that's how I usually describe myself. Small or big, troubles are troubles and it seems like I was born to make them. All these years it felt like trouble has been making my life change gradually as if there's no tomorrow. Trouble made itself home in my life. I've got nothing to do with it. It welcomed itself without me knowing. But the worst part is, it struck me like lightning --- it took just a little while yet it seems to burn me for the rest of my life.

            I never knew love destroys. I thought it heals. I never knew the sweetest force in this world could turn my life into an unexpected nightmare. Well, that probably explains it being "powerful", in my case.

            Back then, I was in first year when I met this third year guy. Yes, this is about me, falling in love too early. At first, I don't completely thought of it as a mistake. Love somewhat made me out of control. All I know is that I'm happy, appreciated, and LOVED because I had the slightest feeling of being NO ONE in the eyes of many. Everything was perfect but I was able to prove that no secret is hidden forever. The truth will always be revealed. I still remember how I felt weak for days. How the teachers got mad at me. How my parents felt ashamed of me. How they did not expect me to be like that. How my classmates acted as if it's not a big deal. How the people around me thought of me as a flirt. How my world fell into pieces. It's life changing. Before, performing in front of many was my life. I like people and their presence around me. That is what makes me appreciate myself. Before, my parents were absolutely proud of me upon achieving  something great. They were proud of my talent and the fact that I would always belong to the top 10 in our class.

            TADA. Everything has changed. Sometimes, I wonder if I will ever be happy with myself. I worry that if I can't be happy with myself, then nobody will ever be happy with me, and that just makes me even more paranoid. It's a cycle, being unconfident and different. It's all a cycle and it's destroying me. I'm trying my very best to be finally happy and forget the nightmare I had but I'm still feeling so helpless. I'm now scared of people. I'm now scared of what they're going to say about me. THEIR OPINIONS BECAME MY WORLD. No matter how hard I try, the thought of them judging me from afar would always bother me. Not even dancing nor singing in front of them or in short proving them I'm not the person they think I am isn't just enough. The worst part is the thought of my parents not being able to move on with what happened is not helping me at all. It's hard proving myself to other people and it's much, much harder to prove myself to my parents. The fruit of my hard works doesn't seem to impress them.  So the voice inside me would always say, "You're such a flirt and a big disappointment! You're so weak! You never did anything right! Get a life!" I want to disappear and go to some place where no one knows my past. I can't open these things to the people I'm close to, for I know they're getting sick of my dramas. No one would seem to understand. Depression strikes, self esteem went down, and boom! I'm completely another person --- opposite of who I am before.

            But hey, guess what, this is life! I can't bring back time and make things right. It all comes down to a single principle in life --- LIVE WITHOUT REGRETS. Love is always just around the corner. Don't rush yourself because love will come to you in the right time. For now, what matters most is our relationship with our family and friends because with them, you know you are in good hands especially with your parents. You'll never get in trouble if you would always listen to them. Parents know best! You may have your own decisions over several matters but trust me, you'll end up realizing your parents were right. In relation to that, it's also a matter of influence. Be with people you know won't let you down and make troubles. You cannot change the people around you but you can change the people you choose to be with. That way, you can stay out of trouble. Lastly, be careful with your actions. Think before you speak, think before you act. You don't know what the consequences will be if you make a decision right away. But above all, we have to remember a single thing: everything you do is based on the choices you make. You and only you are responsible for changes that happen in your life.